Our Life Archives - Parag Sankhe

May 28, 2016Boring

Cause explosive decompression

Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye, cruel lamp, lined with what would appear to be some sort of cruel muslin and the cute little pom-pom curtain pull cords. Cruel though they may be… And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. Okay, I like a challenge. Shut up and take my money! Are you crazy? I can’t swallow that. Bite my shiny metal ass. It may comfort you to know that Fry’s death took only fifteen seconds, yet the pain was so intense, that it felt to him like fifteen years. And it goes without saying, it caused him to empty his bowels.

May 26, 2016Jan 7, 2022Daily, Life

Breakfast Club

And then the battle’s not so bad? Yeah, lots of people did. Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. I had more, but you go ahead. Tell her she looks thin. No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… I’m a thing.

glss-small

Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried? Bender, we’re trying our best. Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. Is today’s hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient? I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT! Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun?

No! I want to live! There are still too many things I don’t own! Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Bender, I didn’t know you liked cooking. That’s so cute. No, I’m Santa Claus! I barely knew Philip, but as a clergyman I have no problem telling his most intimate friends all about him. Hey, guess what you’re accessories to. Does anybody else feel jealous and aroused and worried?

Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I’m going to come back there and change your opinions manually! With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! Bender, you risked your life to save me! Soon enough. Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony? Hello Morbo, how’s the family?

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? I decline the title of Iron Cook and accept the lesser title of Zinc Saucier, which I just made up. Uhh… also, comes with double prize money. But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! Oh, I think we should just stay friends. No! Don’t jump!

Fry! Stay back! He’s too powerful! Oh yeah, good luck with that. My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book ‘Earth in the Balance”, and the much more popular ”Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth’, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.

May 23, 2016Daily, Workout

No! I want to live

For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. We’re rescuing ya. You’re going to do his laundry? I had more, but you go ahead. I’m just glad my fat, ugly mama isn’t alive to see this day. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Soothe us with sweet lies. You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don’t pay you or let you go. Say what?

May 21, 2016Jan 7, 2022Life, Travel

Tell her she looks thin

Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! File not found. Please, Don-Bot… look into your hard drive, and open your mercy file!

Dubai-Helicopter-Tour

I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. No argument here. My fellow Earthicans, as I have explained in my book ‘Earth in the Balance”, and the much more popular ”Harry Potter and the Balance of Earth’, we need to defend our planet against pollution. Also dark wizards.

May 18, 2016Life, Travel

Ladies of the evening

Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man. I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

Tell them I hate them. Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers. One hundred dollars. OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd.